charlotte@thecouplestherapist.co.uk
07739 644413
Charlotte Simpson

RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING

FOR INDIVIDUALS

If you are in a relationship, it is advisable to have counselling together as a couple because you both have an involvement in the way things are, even though you may blame each other.

However, if you are not in a relationship or are seeking relationship counselling without your partner, we can work together to understand what is going for you.

Sometimes one partner’s personal development can help the relationship; as they become less defensive, their partner may respond well to this.

Perhaps you are having second thoughts about your current relationship or keep choosing the ‘wrong partner’.

Relationship counselling can help you to have a deeper understanding of yourself in your relationships, paving the way for healthier partnerships now and in the future.

Relationship counselling can help with:

intimacy-issues

Intimacy issues

Family-relationships

Family relationships

Communication

Communication

sexual-relationships

Sexual Relationships

confidense-self-esteem

Confidence and self-esteem

Understanding-each-other-large

Understanding each other

conflict

Conflict

Infidelity

Infidelity

depression anxiety

Depression and anxiety

Counselling can help you to become more aware of certain aspects of yourself and your relationships and to understand why you might repeat certain patterns of behaviour. This can enable positive shifts to take place, particularly in the way you relate to others.

My way of working is integrative, drawing upon cognitive, behavioural and psychodynamic methodologies. The psychodynamic approach takes into account your life experiences and how they may affect you in the present.

Behavioural work often involves tasks for you to do between sessions and the cognitive element might be thinking about what conditions makes things better or worse for you.

Session details

If you are experiencing relationship and/or sexual difficulties and want help, please email me:
charlotte@thecouplestherapist.co.uk

Fear of Intimacy

Many couples find that on the whole their relationship seems to be good enough, except for their sexual relationship. They may not even be aware of the underlying reasons behind this.

Difficulties around intimacy can be due to many aspects, such as experiences in one’s past, fear of rejection and shame, fear of intercourse or specific sexual activities, body image issues and fear of pain.
It might be that you are able to have sex, but not with the same partner, as there may be an underlying fear of a deep connection with one person. Either way, this difficulty in having both a fulfilling partnership and sexual relationship with the same person may seem confusing and frustrating.

Painful Sex

It’s no surprise that many people avoid sex if it hurts.

Pain could be due to medical, physical or psychological issues. Painful sex could be caused by issues such as lack of arousal, stress & anxiety, lack of lubrication, vulva pain, Vaginismus (involuntary vaginal tightening), infection, illness, sex headaches, post orgasmic illness syndrome (POIS), post childbirth, delayed, absent or painful ejaculation.

Lack of Desire

Lack or loss of sexual desire is very common, particularly in long-term relationships.

There can be a multitude of causes, such as relationship difficulties, boredom, illness & medication, the presence of other sexual difficulties, pain during sex, stress & anxiety, over-use of porn, tiredness, hormones, drugs & alcohol.

Anorgasmia

Anorgasmia in women is the name used to describe the inability to have an orgasm.

This can be an issue during masturbation or partnered sex, but can cause frustration, distress and feelings of isolation for individuals and their partners.
Anorgasmia can be due to a range of factors, such as aging & illness, difficulty in ‘letting go’, lacking awareness of one’s body, insufficient stimulation and relationship difficulties.

Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed or absent ejaculation can have psychological causes such as relationship difficulties, fears of pregnancy, difficulty in ‘letting go’ and over-use of porn, as well as medical causes such as MS and Diabetes and medication such as anti-depressants.
Alcohol can also have a role to play in delayed ejaculation.

Premature Ejaculation

Early or Premature ejaculation (PE) is very common and can often accompany erectile difficulties.

Psychological causes can be anxiety & stress, nerves, habit and relationship issues.
A highly sensitive penis can also cause PE as well as medical conditions, such as Diabetes, MS, prostate or thyroid problems, infection or inflammation.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction or ‘Erectile disorder’ (ED) is very common.

It can be caused by psychological stressors such as anxiety, pressure to ‘perform’ sexually, stopping sexual activity to put on a condom, worrying about losing your erection and your partner’s reaction, relationship difficulties and over-use of porn.
ED can also be an underlying sign of medical conditions such as heart disease or diabetes. Serious illness such as cancer and its treatments can also cause ED, which can also have a huge impact on mental health and well-being.
Depression & Anxiety

Depression & Anxiety

We all have mental health. Mental illness, whether mild or severe, does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. This can have a huge impact on close relationships; both partners may feel alone and isolated. Finding ways to manage depression and anxiety individually and within a close relationship can be explored in couples counselling, helping you to work towards a life that feels more fulfilling.
Infidelity

Infidelity

Life after an affair can be difficult. The affair can become the elephant in the room that neither of you dare to talk about, or a hurdle that you cannot seem to get over. Although it is not easy, relationships can recover and continue to develop after an affair. Understanding the affair, i.e. why it happened and what it means to both of you, can be gently explored during counselling.
conflict

Conflict

It may be that there are things that have happened between you in the past that you or your partner cannot seem to get over and those issues surface every time you have a row. Couples counselling can facilitate the safe space needed to listen to each other without feeling under attack and retreating to defensive positions.
Understanding-each-other

Understanding each other

Often couples feel unheard by each other, both are in emotional pain that the other cannot seem to take on board. Couples counselling can give you the space and the tools to put your defensive reactions to one side, to show more vulnerability with each other and to improve your understanding of your needs and those of your partner.
confidense-self-esteem

Confidence and self-esteem

You may feel as though your self-esteem is at an all time low, or perhaps you have taken a confidence-knock that is hard to get back up from. You may feel that your partner makes things worse or you may be struggling to get over a past relationship. Counselling can offer you a safe, non-judgemental place to explore what is behind these debilitating feelings and how they play into your relationship(s). Counselling can help you to question why you have certain beliefs about yourself. We might work on ways to notice and alter the effect you have upon your partner and vice versa.
sexual-relationships

Sexual Relationships

Sexual dysfunction can occur as a result of relationship difficulties, medical factors and other stressors. Dysfunctions can manifest as disorders of desire, arousal or orgasmic disorders. Sex in relationships often goes through fits and starts, although one of the most common sexual problems is loss of desire in long term relationships. At the beginning of a relationship, the excitement provided by the newness fuels desire for one another (increased noradrenaline and dopamine have a part to play), but this does not last. Couples in psychosexual therapy can learn a new way of being sexual together rather than waiting for the spontaneous desire of the early days to come back.
communication

Communication

This is a big area and one that couples commonly struggle with. Understanding what lies beneath such difficulties can be helpful as well as behavioural techniques to help open up a more fulfilling dialogue between a couple.

family-relationships

Family relationships

Difficulties within the couple relationship will have a rippling effect throughout the family and an aim of the counselling will be to hold other family members in mind (particularly children). It may be that the children are expressing difficult behaviour and this may well be a symptom of an unhappy parental couple.

intimacy-issues

Intimacy issues

Most couples encounter intimacy issues at some point in their relationship. Intimacy can mean different things, but largely it boils down to a deep connection with another person, which sounds easier than it is. Intimacy issues can manifest as sexual problems or festering resentment in a relationship. Often the early days of a relationship are full of excitement and desire for each other, but that fades over time, over-taken by the routine of daily life. We can work through such issues in relationship counselling and/or psychosexual therapy, depending on where the focus of the work needs to be.